Survey Says: You’re All Just as Weird as I Hoped

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I have a propensity toward exploring the ridiculous. If you answered my survey, chances are high that you know me personally and the chances are even higher that you can probably attest to this with real life accounts. I believe more than a few of you witnessed this garden bloom in my early teens and it fills my heart with joy that you continue to humor me with ridiculousness such as this.

It confirms my belief that we are still willing to go down the rabbit hole here and there so why not start with the holidays? Because, let’s face it, the holidays are exhausting. Between glitter explosions, gift-giving Olympics, and the annual debate over whether Mariah Carey should be banned until December 24th, it’s enough to make anyone crave a mental escape.
So, I turned to you, my loyal snark enthusiasts, and asked: What should we think about instead? And wow, did you deliver.

The Breakdown

Talking Animals & Time Travel:
The people have spoken: a whopping 25 of you want to hear our pets roast us for being late with dinner. And time travel? Apparently, 25 of you are ready to screw up the space-time continuum as long as you don’t miss the bus.

Tiny Dinosaur Arms:
Who knew tiny dinosaur arms would spark so much joy? 21 of you clearly enjoy picturing prehistoric creatures failing miserably at modern tasks. Honestly, relatable.

Cereal Mascots:
A healthy 17 votes came in for this one. And you know what that says? You’ve got trust issues, and I respect that. From Tony the Tiger’s suspiciously upbeat vibes to Snap, Crackle, and Pop acting like they’ve never done a shady deal, it’s about time someone asked the hard questions. These sugar-coated con artists have been dodging accountability for decades, and you’re finally ready to blow the lid off.

Vanishing Socks:
Coming in hot with 16 votes, the mystery plagues about half of us. Socks disappearing in the dryer is the Bermuda Triangle of domestic life, and you want answers. Are they forming their own society? Have they simply had enough? Are they unionizing? Either way, your obsession is noted.

A whimsical and humorous scene featuring mismatched socks standing upright and holding signs that depict their missing matches. Each sock is vibrantly colored and uniquely patterned, such as polka dots, stripes, and bold designs. The signs, handwritten and creatively styled, show images or sketches of the missing socks with phrases like 'Have you seen me?' or 'Missing: My other half.' The socks are displayed in a cozy living room setting with a soft carpet and laundry scattered around. The lighting is warm, adding to the playful and charming mood. Highly detailed textures, vibrant colors, and expressive signs bring the scene to life.

American Cheese:
Liquid happiness, a secret government experiment, or just best left unexamined? Most of you wisely opted for blissful ignorance. Good call. For the nine of you convinced it’s a secret government experiment and the seven who believe it’s liquid happiness, I admire your optimism

Zombie Apocalypse: Ah, the zombie apocalypse: the ultimate stress test. A majority of you are apparently prepping for your action hero debut, ready to grab a shotgun and go full Walking Dead. Respect. Meanwhile, 11 of you ‘sort of’ have a plan, which I assume involves haphazardly Googling survival tips at the last minute. And then there’s the lone visionary who plans to face the apocalypse by binge-watching zombie flicks—because, sure, nothing inspires survival skills quite like Shaun of the Dead.

Ice Cream Sandwiches: Apparently, the mystery of why ice cream sandwiches don’t melt is too existential for most of you—21 of you said, ‘Nope, not thinking about it.’ Fair. Fourteen of you believe they’re ‘made of magic,’ and honestly, I’m with you on that. But let’s give a nod to the few who chose science—you’re probably out there conducting experiments with hairdryers and half-eaten sandwiches. Respect the hustle.

What about the other three questions, you ask?

Well, for absurd questions, turns out that with a rating of 7.6 out of 10, most of you enjoy life’s absurdities, like like why tiny dinosaur arms couldn’t fold laundry. A few of you probably rolled your eyes and gave it a 2, but that’s okay. Not everyone can handle the intellectual rigor of asking whether cats are secretly plotting our downfall.

The real MVPs of curiosity: random facts. You gave this an average of 8.3, proving that nothing delights you more than useless trivia. What do you do with this knowledge? Probably annoy your friends with ‘Did you know?’ moments at parties. Keep it up; the world needs more people like you—especially when there’s a lull in conversation.

When it comes to unanswerable mysteries, 23 of you dabble occasionally—probably when you’re bored or waiting for your coffee to brew. Six of you are full-on obsessed. You’re the ones losing sleep over whether your American cheese could double as a viable weapon for the zombie apocalypse. Meanwhile, two people gave a hard pass. Fair enough, not everyone wants to spend their time arguing over whether a hot dog is a sandwich.

And there you have it—your wonderfully weird thoughts laid bare. From talking animals to time-traveling buses, and the eternal quest to figure out where socks go, you’ve proven that holiday distractions come in all shapes and sizes (and arm lengths, apparently). So, the next time you’re stuck in a tinsel-induced meltdown, just remember: there’s a world of absurdity waiting to be pondered. Now, go forth and argue with your cat about their secret plans. You’re welcome.

A lifelike digital painting of three unique anthropomorphic cereal mascots and friendly zombies interacting in a chaotic city street. The mascots include a tiger with orange and black stripes wearing a blue bandana, a tropical bird with vibrant plumage, and a leprechaun-like figure with red hair and a green outfit. All of them, along with the zombies, are holding cereal bowls filled with colorful cereal. The mascots are playfully teasing fleeing humans, with the tiger pointing and laughing at a terrified human, the bird flapping its wings mischievously, and the leprechaun tossing cereal pieces toward the crowd. The zombies look quirky and non-threatening, smiling warmly as they join in the fun. The background depicts a chaotic cityscape with overturned cars, tilted lampposts, damaged storefronts, and panicked humans running in all directions. Lighting combines warm tones on the mascots with eerie green glows around the zombies, creating a surreal and humorous atmosphere.

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